Sitting in coffee shops. Not moving much, but going places nonetheless.

There is always work to be done.  

Something to help us further our ??  Mission, life, love, employer, $$, evolution...Call it what you will. Although I believe I am on my true path, I tend to treat things as being heavy or serious.  I think before I speak and edit everything I write.  Especially if it is going to be read by anyone other than me.  Even my work related emails can be gone over a few times.  Not that I don't enjoy complete sentences and attempting proper verb placement and usage, but my direct flow of consciousness largely resides inside my head.  It's become easy to sit and think for a number of hours.  The silence is far from deafening.

Sitting.  Smoking.  Thinking.  Barely keeping up with my mind sometimes.  I know a lot of people who are stream of consciousness speakers or writers.  They communicate in a slightly different manner, yet it works. There is a bit of envy as I often still feel the perception of opinion knowing people may read or hear my words. With that comes insight into me, the author or speaker.  I am just filtering thoughts from my sources and trying to share openly and honestly.  It just seems that with the chance to have a discussion or share thoughts about life's bigger/pretty-much-unanswered-questions takes some serious deliberation.  Before I go to far off the deep end there, I am going to try to follow my thoughts instead of leading them...

*****

There is no doubt I can sit in a coffee shop for hours.  At least they have coffee, some biscuits and pretty girls to enjoy.  There are some other people that come in and out all day but a different type of comfortable feeling exists that is hard to find.  Just to tune out everything to focus and get some work done.  Maybe to meet up with people for a caffeine pick-me-up.  Whatever the reason, I love sitting and working in the right spot.

*****

Macs seem to be the laptops of choice.  Definitely 75% here today.

*****

Tending to be a fan of the lighter roasts, I'll go with whatever flavor is available.  Learning only recently that the lighter roasts contain more caffeine because the roasting process saps caffeine, I started drinking darker roasts later in the day.  It sucks to admit, but I would mos def have the withdrawals at this point.  Having been a coffee drinker on and off for a couple decades, I've been through the headaches and shit.  Not the best feeling.

*****

Alcohol and I used to do battle on a regular basis, but that desire is gone for now.  Seems to have been tampered down a high degree.  Working at a bar late at night allowed me to see some pretty sad shit actually. Of course looking at my own actions from the past has helped as well.  I am sure we all have seen it, but the late night chaos and desperation I saw was ugly and sad. Easier sometimes to learn through observing others. The crazy stuff that is good for you to see but bad for them to be doing...

*****

Tough to deny just how delicious and satisfying a great cup of coffee can be.  Although I had to acquire or refine some tastes, I came to some conclusions.  After going through a cream & sugar and other flavoring phases, I now like it vente, black and hot.  Just like my men.

*****

Mainly I appreciate the sitting for the stream of thought it provides.  But processing and digestion occur as well.  Since I think most things are pretty funny, or at least can be subject for comedy, I sometimes laugh at my thoughts.  Then I think that my jokes are pretty funny.  Other people around me think I am crazy as I laugh out loud and then make a voice note on my phone.  I can say that riding the bus in Grand Rapids has provided some potentially funny material.  My mother, of course.  I look back on the cheese adventures I recently enjoyed and don't find much comedy there.  Still taking that all in and figuring how all those new connections will factor in to my future, professionally and personally.

I do believe that fear is the only thing that stops us from moving forward, but I am thinking about doing open mic comedy.  Karaoke is similar to some degree I would think, but I have been singing for years.  High school vocal jazz as well as a few performing bands.

East Grand Rapids 1993? Me, 2nd from left.

So I believe I can get in front of a crowd and not be too nervous.  There are many things I have done that would/could/should have made me anxious or whatever degree of afraid you choose.  For most of these occurrences I was heavily armed.  I was prepped with information, had full faith in the product (music, event, writing, addressing love to a lover) and was able to harness my energy to help guide successfully and stayed confident.  And yes again, everything starts with something, so there will always be a degree of trepidation, but I can look people in the eye, and speak honestly while keeping my faith and beliefs from wavering.  I do understand the pressure the world can give.  I sometimes choose to accept it, but mainly I allow it to flow through me.

Random thoughts I have that appeal to my sense of humor won't necessarily translate to the masses.  I did work a comedy show at the lovely Wealthy Theatre in Grand Rapids and dude was hilarious.  Dave Jones won a national competition after being funny for years all over West Michigan.  His humor addressed sex, cheating, and race.  He used words I would not use (one none of us should), but I think I could keep it adult but not disgusting.  I'll save those for my quieter moments...

It would be best to not offend anyone along the way.  But do my Alanis Morissette and Ben Affleck jokes have to suffer because of that?  I hope not.  Can't humor help wake people up a bit?  Be a tad shocking, get the ears open and try to intersperse a message along the way?  I hope so.  I am looking into it and may dive in during September at some point.

*****

Sharing my writing, allowing critique and then continuing to write have all been exponentially cathartic for me. There was a point when I thought I could do it.  I enjoyed reading enough and had read enough to have some general ideas as to "how it works."  So I am doing it.  Talking, writing, speaking, sitting, thinking, sharing, being.  Life is good.

I enjoy sitting.  It ranks up there with sleeping.  My stream is running out of water, I appreciate you making it this far.

Time to write jokes...

Thanks for reading.

Ryan

A recent Chicago sunrise.