Five Years Ago. Five Weeks Before Parole. I Had Some Thoughts.

Free Me! Free Me! Free Me! Free Me! Free Me! 

The journey has become a race

as all my belongings fall apart.

The first words I've spoken since this place

have stirred the hibernating voice;

I've lasted so long and waited my turn.

Each endless day falls into another

And still I've known it all, for sure, but

to even crack a smile is a bother.

Isolated from it all -even crowded rooms are empty.

My mind aches as the weeks became months, years.

Longing has replaced desperation and my eyes begin to see

that is was all inside, yearning for a new time.

Bring me to where I belong,

to where voices can only heal.

Bring me to where a sorrowful song

can silence my fears.

Does the place I need really exist outside of my mind?

Do the things I do mean anything to anyone but me?

Do you believe that I am anything but blind?

Doubtful, though I hope it can be.

Saying I'm sorry can ice only the shallowest of wounds.

Praying for luck in an empty gambling hall,

losing all for the quick fix of a junkie,

seeing everything fall far, far away.

Can five years really be as long as it seems?

Will the next five weeks bring any of an end?

My hair falls out and my clothes fall apart at the seams.

I'll call on myself and put me on the mend

but for once I know I'm better,

I am better and it's for real this time.

I've only said those words one thousand times before

but this once, I have conviction.

This journey is now a race

as I near my absolute wit's end.

People just pass me by, with a glance at my face.

Can you see it too?

Happy, content, insightful, proper.